When my neice and nephew were growing up my older sister NEVER took her kids to area fairs and festivals or amusement parks. I never understood why.

After dragging two kicking, screaming kids out of the Waterford Fair last night it all became crystal clear. She wasn't the cruel anti-fun-loving mother I thought she was, she just knew better.

There is no pleasing a kid at a fair. I could've spent my entire paycheck there & I'd still have been dragging them out of there kicking and screaming.

The drama started with the battle over a baloon. Specifically those being handed out by the People for Life. Wasn't going to happen. Tantrum #1.

Drug them out on to the midway where they spotted the taffy and candy apples. They hadn't had dinner & we insisted they eat a hot dog first (Yeah, I know...not much better nutrition-wise, but still). Tantrum #2.

They finally ate their hot dogs and we set off toward the games and kiddie area. First stop -- the fish game -- where you throw the ping-pong balls into the tiny fishbowls for a chance to win a 1/2-dead fish. 10 ping-pong balls and $4 later and they didn't win a fish. Tantrum #3.

We played the fishing game and they both got a (suprise) "mini prize" fish and realized they didn't get to choose from the big animals on the side. Tantrum #4.

They spotted the duck pond game & wanted to play. $2 a player for, no doubt, another "mini" prize. Uh. no. Tantrum #5.

Tantrums #6, #7 and #8 came shortly after -- we couldn't find the chickens, some kid scared Lauren in the porta-potty and I wouldn't shell out big money for rides.

We had been there for less than 2 hours, spent almost $20 and we'd had enough. Dan scooped up Kelly, I wrestled with Lauren and we dragged them both out the gates and carried them for 1/2 mile to the truck. Buckled their squirming, wailing butts into their carseats and just started laughing (which made them cry even harder and louder).

They wailed most of the 20 minute ride home.

And, then (I swear to God) when we got home, both kids were just fine and Kelly even said (in her sweetest little daughter voice) "Thank you for taking us to the fair mommy, that was fun. I had fun!" and gave me a big hug.

I felt like one of those soap opera characters who is slowly being driven insane.

I have serious doubts as to whether I will make it through the next 18 years with my mind in tact.

But, staying away from the fairs and festivals should help.