I've been in a war of words with my daughters, 4 & 6 years, lately. The 6-year-old, in particular, has really been really, um, challenging. She's discovered words can wound and when she's really mad she'll start hauling out her word weapons left and right. Throwing out anything she thinks will get a reaction from me.

Unfortunately, I usually give it to her. I mean, really, how can I not respond to, "You wish I were died, don't you momma?" or "I don't like you, you're a bad mom" and "You're a mean, mean mom" (because I made them leave the Tom Ridge Center after running around it for 45 minutes after spending four hours at the beach and stopping for ice cream...yeah, I'm a real mean, mean mom).

Her latest? "Mom, you never shoulda had kids!" To be honest, that one made me laugh, but...for the most part it hurts when your kid says nasty things to you. And, you want to lash back -- with words, with punishment, with threats, with guilt -- all of which just makes things worse.

During my recent week of vacation, in which the girls and I did fun things every day, almost every day ended the same -- with one, or both kids telling me I was mean or bad or they wanted a new mom. I felt defeated and irritated and frustrated and angry. All I wanted to was have fun with them.

After one particularly bad day, I laid on the porch swing out back, hand over my eyes, stiff drink in hand and I told my husband "I want new kids. I screwed these ones up."

He laughed.

"No, seriously," I said. "Where did I go wrong? How did our cute little girls become these ungrateful, sassy brats? I created these monsters."

Then he said something very, very wise: "It's just their age, Heather. Quit taking it all personally. They'd say the same thing to me if I were with them all day, and you know they say that kind of stuff to your mom sometimes."

The more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. I was taking it all personally -- on an adult level -- something no self-centered child can possibly comprehend or intend. Do I really believe my child thinks I'm a bad mom? No. She's just trying to hurt me because she is not getting what she wants and, at that time, that is all that matters to her.

I know this because 30 minutes after they tell me what a horrible mother I am and I'm still licking my wounds, they come bouncing into the room, having forgotten all about our "fight" and telling me that they love me or that I'm the best mom. At that moment, I am convinced they are trying to drive me insane.

But, after my husband's wise words, I realize that it's up to me to be an adult, keep things in perspective and remember that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

All this said, don't get the impression that I'll let my kids say & do whatever they want and wave it off due to their age...no way...rude and disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated. I am aware that it is up to me to raise polite children with decent manners. All I'm saying is that I, personally, am not going to play their game anymore. I'm disengaging. I will not give her the war of words that she is looking for, which, I hope, will render her word weapons useless.