My husband and I rarely fight about things that most couples fight about. We're OK with each other's families, we have enough money to live a decent life, we have similar parenting styles and philosophies about how our kids should be raised, and we both love football season.
99% of our fights revolve around one thing -- time. Namely the time we have to do the things we want to do for ourselves.
With me it's typically a fight about exercise time and with him it ranges from bowling to hunting to side jobs to drinking beer with his friends (otherwise known as "guy time").
Both of us claim the other is getting more time to do what they want, and that we are then stuck doing "all the work" (housework, kids, yardwork, etc.). We tend to keep score..."What do you mean, I have been gone all week? I went to a meeting on Monday .... and you were gone three nights... etc, etc., etc."
When we're not fighting about who's going where, we're fighting about who's doing what around the house, which is, essentially, a fight about time (because less housework means more time to do other things you want to do).
I think I do more. He thinks he does more (which cannot possibly be true since he doesn't even know what size socks the kids wear, nor is he even aware the kids need socks, nor does they know where you'd even buy something like that).
I could go on and on and on (just ask my husband), but the bottom line is that I feel taken advantage of. And, I know he feels the same way. And, that's a terrible feeling.
I seriously doubt there's a solution, but if you've got one -- in the name of holy matrimony -- please share it.
Comments (1)
Dear Heather:
I read your blogs every Sat. while I am at work. I am a very senior great-great-grandmother, but still like to get out of the house. I answer the phone at a Realty office from 10 to 2PM on Sat.'s.
We are from back in your neck of the woods and I miss it sooooo. However, for my husband's health we now live in Las Vegas. The winters were more than he could take with his heart problems (three heart attacks).
My husband and I have had two fights in 56 years. Yes, we have been married that long, and we still love each other. We have fun.
Our younger daughter (we only have two girls, period), says she has witnessed both fights. I am not going into those, just want you to know she was there and says she broke out in hives after each. A few months ago husband and I were having a disagreement and she yelled, STOP THAT, I WILL BREAK OUT IN HIVES!. We really got a kick out of that.
My husband had his own business, so was more than very busy. I taught the girls to do a lot which makes them both aware of how things are done properly and they are both great cooks and bakers. I always had one girl at each elbow as I did things in the kitchen. The girls were 2 years 4 months apart. The older daughter could build a house because she also spent a lot of time with her DADDY while he built our homes. She can step right in and work with her Dad, just as any graduate apprentice.
You can learn to work together and had lots of fun.
Good luck,
Lou
Posted by Louise Beckwith | September 29, 2007 5:05 PM
Posted on September 29, 2007 17:05