...I think I am really messing up this whole parenting gig. Not a day goes by when I don't question what I've done or regretted something I said or wished I had done something differently.

I used to be so confident. I used to be so sure of myself. I used to be in control.

Now, my days are filled with self-doubt, anxiety about the choices I'm made and endless waffling and regret.

There is nothing easy about being a parent -- and I'm sure there's nothing easy about being a kid. My job, I know, is to be the calm in storm, but sometimes I just feel like a ship on choppy waters -- being tossed around by the emotions of a couple of little girls.

I know, I know....God help me when the waters really get choppy in a few years.

As I stood at the end of the driveway waiting for the bus with Kelly this morning -- feeling bad for having yelled at her for not getting dressed, not eating her cereal fast enough, for leaving the lights on upstairs, for losing her library book, for spitting toothpaste all over the counter and for whining all morning -- I remembered how I used to think mornings were stressful when the girls were babies and I had to get them dressed and get the diaper bags ready.

What a joke.

What was so hard about that? I'd scoop up my crib-warm babies, snuggle them, change a diaper, wrap them in snowsuits and carry them out the door. All the while, they'd smile at me, coo, giggle and laugh.

Do you suppose some day I'll look back on this time -- when they can still fit in my lap, when they spontaneously say "I love you, Mommy," when I choose their clothes, when they draw me pictures and pick me flowers and beg me to play games with them and read them "just one more" story -- and think, what was so hard about that?