I get about 387 press releases a day this time of year -- I rarely read them, but this one made me laugh out loud.
If all press releases were this funny, more editors might actually read them.
The subject line of the e-mail was "Story idea: Gift for your Least Favorite Nephew"
Dear Heather,The holiday season reunites us all with close and beloved family members— we sit by the fire and roast chestnuts, eat way too much food and for the most part, enjoy being around one another. But as you know, everyone has a family member that isn’t so dearly loved.
Each year, as we sit down around the dinner table, Aunt Ruth always describes the goings on and gossip in her retirement home - Dad discusses his ingenious way to keep squirrels out of his bird-feeder, and then… we listen as our not-so-favorite nephew Steven returns from his first semester at college with a complete understanding of the geo-political crisis, energy conservation, and a chip on his shoulder the size of which hasn’t been seen since 1972.
No matter how much we’d like to slap our 18 year old genius into bloody silence, we’re obligated to give him a holiday gift. But let’s stop and think; should we give the brat something he’ll love and enjoy? No. We’ll give the little monster something to put him in his place, and to satisfy our yearly obligation and prove he doesn’t know everything.
A few hours of tutoring at Knowledge Online Services (www.KnowledgeOnlineServices.com) guarantees that beloved Steven – your sister’s kid from her first marriage - will only get smarter and even more annoying! He will get a head start in conquering quantum physics and maybe even design an embedded software system.
With prices starting at $10 an hour, you can even be a cheapskate and no one will ever know!
So there you have it, you’ve found the perfect gift for that nephew you’ve never much cared for, and you’ve saved face in the eyes of your family. And whether he likes your gift or not, you’ll know you’ve done your part to show support for his education.
Now, where’s that eggnog?