Three things I'm loving this week:
1. Kraft fat-free ceasar Italian dressing. After Dollar General discontinued my ultra-cheap, all-time-fav fat-free ranch dressing, I suffered for weeks trying all kinds of disgusting dressings on my daily lunchtime salad. When I opened the Caesar Italian, I swear I heard a chorus of angels singing "Halleluia." It's my new reason to look forward to lunch (well, that and cyber shoe shopping).
2. The weather forecast. Snow, snow go away...don't come back any day. No, I'm not dreaming of white Christmas, but I am dreaming of a decent Turkey Trot race on Thursday. Running in 50+ degree weather is just about as good as it gets -- not too hot, not too cold. I am truly enjoying our November reprieve.
3. Rules of Engagement. When I can stay awake long enough to see it, this show cracks me up. It's on CBS on Mondays at 9:30 p.m. Jeff is, by far, the funniest character on the show. And, Russel (David Spade's character) is hysterical, too. I love any show that makes me LOL -- and this one does, every week. My favorite episode? By far, "Bag Ladies" when Jennifer gave Adam a "man purse" -- I laughed so hard I counted it as an abs workout.
Three things I'm hating this week:
1. Thanksgiving. Any holiday that centers around stuffing stale bread up a dead bird's ass and then serving it to people who eat so much of it they must unbutton their pants and fall fast asleep on the couch to allow their body to digest it...well, let's just say, it's not my thing. I hate to cook, I hate to overeat, I hate the gluttony of the holiday and frankly, I don't really like parades or those idiotic cartoon character balloons that require 45 people in matching clothes to drag them down the street. So, there you have it. I'm a Thanksgiving grinch.
2. Black Friday shopping. I despise it, but I'm going. Why? because...as my sister says, "It's tradition." Far be it for me to destroy a female family tradition of sticking the men with the kids and spending hours elbowing other shoppers and swearing at all the morons on the road. To be honest, I'm in it for the free lunch (and really, mostly for the free lunch drinks) . See my mom buys me and my sister and sister-in-laws lunch at Ruby Tuesdays when we go on our annual Black Friday shopping trip and when Mom's buying, I get the fancy frozen drinks my cheap ass would normally never dream of ordering.
3. My 1999 GMC Jimmy. Which, just yesterday had the wheel bearing replaced for the 2nd time to the tune of ...well, I don't even know how much because MY HUSBAND DIDN'T EVEN ASK. I know from past experience it's more than $500 -- throw in some new brakes (which I am apparently very hard on since I'm always have them replaced, too) and we're probably looking at a high three-figure bill to get my car out of hock. Until then, I'm driving the husband's full-size, king-cab Chevy 1/2 ton. I have to sit on a flowered seat cushion to see out the windshield, but I have to admit I feel like a bad-ass when I'm driving the big rig (and I do kinda like that).
Honorable Mention: New York (yeah, I'm hating the whole damn state after last Sunday. Damn Jets. 'nuff said.
Comments (1)
Heather! Heather! Heather!
I have not tuned in for only a couple of weeks and here you are dealing with the absurdities of life in a funk. From working on your "inner bitch" (keep her there; it is the outer bitch that causes problems) to filling bird ass with bread, yes, life is difficult.
I do agree that Target should provide lines for people in a hurry; that is criminal whether Brad Foulk knows it or not, making people stand around each other so long.
The furry pig addition known as BC for Butterscotch Cass is a current delight and future blight. These are self inflicted wounds.
Alas! You have Marnie Mead for a boss. Marnie blogs recipes on how to get bloaded with food to the point you fall asleep on the couch digesting molecules and carbs. Let it never be said that you lack courage, leadership, and/or something over Marnie to write the opposite of her love affair with food.
The brakes on your auto caught my eye. I want you to rest in peace knowing that brakes are NOT your fault. Our government has discerned that asbestos causes cancer. Asbestos gets banned. Brake pads no longer come with asbestos enhanced formulas, the only known formula for using your brakes and not wearing them from heat since asbestos can take it. Voila! As Marnie would say, there is the recipe for disaster. Brake pads no longer work since brake pads no longer have asbestos. They must be replaced more often since they wear down faster. NOT doing so will lead to rotor damage and THAT is big bucks. It isn't YOU; brake pads suck.
You once said Dan could teach the girls to hunt over "your dead body". Deer season is Monday. Are you alive?
I was sure this element of life would be right up there with overloading a turkey ass with starch, but noooo, you do not even mention it. Middle age is grabbing your leg as this no longer gets you to flip a bird over the issue. Bambi was in your corner as recently as the trip to Disney money-loss foundation in Florida and now, you let her down. Bambi moms throughout Pennsylvania no longer have your leadership and will get their ass stuffed with lead...worse than bread.
Proceed to use your outer bitch on this. Your inner seems just fine.
Posted by Danny Lucas | November 25, 2007 10:45 AM
Posted on November 25, 2007 10:45