A topic of discussion among my girlfriends and family at a Friday night get together was the laziness (for lack of a better word) of some of the teens in our families. As they get older, their laisse faire attitude is threatening to derail their future. They are so-so students, barely bringing home passing grades, who lack the motivation to do much of anything, let alone pick a career path.
First two disclaimers:
1. I'm sure the same thing was said about my generation when I was a teen
2. My kids are still young and I have no idea what it's like to parent a teen (my day will come and who knows what's in my future)
But, our discussion got me to thinking about how kids learn responsibility and accomplishment and that it starts at home. It starts with contributing to the household duties and, let's face it, most kids today are not expected to help around the house. They're too busy, after all, with their activities and their homework and whatnot.
Case in point: I remember several years ago being at a family members' house, my husband and all the grown-ups in the family helping fix a septic system while their teenage son rode around the yard on his bike with his friends. It was all I could do not to stick my shovel in his spokes. Why wasn't he shoveling? He lives in the house and uses the bathroom. He's certainly capable of working a shovel and pitching in to help.
For most parents, I suspect it boils down to this (and I am guilty of this myself) -- it's just easier to do it yourself than it is to nag a kid into doing it. I can pick up the living room in 15 minutes or I can spend an hour making the kids do it.
It occurred to me this weekend, that at 6 & 4 years of age, there are plenty of household chores I can -- and should -- start delegating to my daughters.
Saturday afternoon, I called them into the kitchen and told them I needed their help cleaning the house. The 4-year-old -- always eager to play in the water -- washed the dishes while I rinsed and dried. She -- and the floor and cabinets -- were all quite wet when she was done, but...she learned how to wash the dishes.
I sent the 6-year-old downstairs to feed the cats and I taught her how to sort the laundry.
And so it went...I'd send them off to do a job (make your bed, pick up the toy room, put all the boots out in the sunroom on the mat, wipe down the bathroom sink, etc.). They gleefully ran off to complete their task and ran back to see what they could do next.
Some jobs they did really well (sorting laundry), some will require supervision (doing dishes) and some are probably above their heads right now (you should've seen the 4-year-old trying to vacuum).
I know their enthusiasm will wane. The novelty will wear off and they won't want to help anymore. Chores will become, well ... chores. And, they'll give me grief and they'll do everything in their power to wear me down so I'll give in and just do it myself.
But, I vow not to.
I will keep in mind some of the best career advice I've ever gotten. I was complaining to the boss about how it was easier for me to do something than teach a subordinate how to do it and she said, "Heather, teaching people how to do things is an investment. You have to invest your time and energy to see the profits. You just can't do everything yourself."
The bottom line: You can't move forward -- or upward -- if you try to do everything yourself and get bogged down in the details and the mundane tasks -- wasting time on things other people could do -- if only you'd spend a little time showing them how.
What do you think about chores for children? How do your kids help around the house? Did you start young? Does your teen refuse to do anything? Do you think that kids shouldn't have to iron clothes and do dishes...they should just be kids and enjoy a carefree life while they can?
Comments (2)
Yes, my kids did have chores from the time they were little girls. Dusting, helping unload the dishwasher, feeding the dog, setting the table, when they were young and others things as they grew up. It is good for kids to have chores, it teaches them they are part of a unit that needs to work together. Also, responsibility to get it done. All things we need in later life. Keep up the good work and even when they rebel against doing the chores, don't let them get away with the "too many activities, homework line" it will pay off when they are adults, they will actually know how to do things. Don't forget teaching them some basic cooking things also.
Posted by Patti Myers | April 1, 2008 11:05 AM
Posted on April 1, 2008 11:05
So funny to be reading this today because just last night I made a deal with Adam regarding making his bed. I told him it was a chore that he needed to start doing everyday and that he could earn an allowance each Friday if he did his chore every day.
Maybe I shouldn't be paying him, but I also think that helps him learn the value of a dollar. He might at least understand why I must go to work everyday!
He also LOVES to sweep the laminant floor. He uses the vacuum hose and he will take up to 30 minutes or more to do it. It is so loud and annoying, but I figure, hey, it keeps him out of trouble and he is so deterimined to get every crumb. Ahhh, not unlike his mother!
I'm all for the cheap labor and as a family member, he does need to chip in and help out.
Posted by Jenn | April 1, 2008 4:09 PM
Posted on April 1, 2008 16:09