It's a roller coaster ride -- one minute she's telling me that "This is the worst day ever," and "I'm a mean, mean mom" (My transgression? Making her brush her teeth). She's got tears, snot-running ... the whole deal. Five minutes later (literally FIVE minutes later), we're in the car and she's says, "Mom, I wanna say something. I'm sorry I was yelling at you. I love you 100 times."

I feel like one of those characters on a soap opera that is being driven slowly crazy by another person who does things to make the character think she's going insane.

But, this isn't my first rodeo.

I've been through the fours a time or two -- once with a kid in my house -- once with a niece I nannied in college and once with a niece who was like a daughter to me.

What I didn't know with my nieces, but what I learned with my older daughter is that this age -- four -- when they use words and language as weapons -- is that they have not mastered the ability to reason.

You can't get involved in exchanging words with them or try to change their minds or explain things -- because they don't get it -- they don't hear you and they don't care. You just have to let them feel what they feel and do your best to ignore the words they are using just to get a rise out of you.

Sometimes this works for me. Sometimes it doesn't. On days when I, too, am tired and angry and whiny, I'll yell back at her. Do the old, "OK, that's enough of this...I'm not going to put up with this from you..I said get your shoes on. Just do it and stop arguing with me!"

Know what happens every single time? She cries harder. Often, she runs upstairs, slams and locks her door.

And, I feel like hell. I'm frustrated. I'm angry and I still haven't got a kid with shoes on in the car. I've gained nothing.

What works? Keeping my cool. Refusing to yell back (while also refusing to give in).

That, and, hugs. When she's lost it and is having some major meltdown, I'll say "Do you need a hug?"

Big fat tears will roll down her cheek, she'll nod and say, "yes...yes..I do."

And everything is better.

Now, I don't know how long I'm going to be able to fix things with a hug, but, for now, it works (provided I keep my cool...which is much easier said than done).

If there's one thing I've learned about parenting, it's that just when you think you have it all figured out...everything changes.