Much as I've been warned about labeling my kids and much as I've tried to avoid it, I find myself doing it anyway. And, a recent interaction with my 7-year-old taught me why it's so dangerous.

I'm not sure I can even explain this without labeling right here -- I have one daughter (the 7-year-old) who has always been more sensitive, shy, pokey and prone to tears and whining. My 5-year-old daughter is a spitfire who is outgoing, scrappy and the first to try/do anything and she rarely cries or whines (though she will drive one to drink with her relentless energy sometimes).

I'll just admit right here that the 7-year-old's whining and pokeyness (is that even a word?) gets on my nerves, and she knows it. She can sense my irritation with her just as plainly as I could always sense my mother's irritation with me (all she has to do is move her jaw or say something a certain way and I knew she was mad...even if she said "no, that's fine"...I knew it wasn't).

I'm not proud of this, but I've told my 7-year-old before -- in moments of mommy frustration in the face of blatant kid ungratefulness -- that "all she does is whine" and that she's "never happy." If you're a parent, you can probably relate. You can spend all day at Waldameer having fun and when it comes time to go home, you are the worst mother in the world. At those times, it's pretty hard not to react.

So, the other night...driving home, she was whining about having to take a bath when we got home...crying...making a mountain out of a molehill (because she loves her baths once she gets in there). We got home & she wouldn't get out of the car. Fine. I took the younger daughter into the house and got her in the bathtub and spent a few minutes collecting myself and practicing my calm-mommy voice before I went out to the car.

I open the door and say "OK, Kel, c'mon, bath time."

"No. I'm not coming in," she said. "I'm going to live in the car because nobody likes me. I'm never happy. And, I whine all the time."

Her words hit me like a brick. She was using the exact words that I had used to put herself down.

I had labeled her -- even though I never meant to -- and never flat out said "YOU are a whiner" -- I had labeled her.

I vowed right there that I would never again (God willing) tell her what she is or what she always does. And, it was made clear as day that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say it at all -- no matter how frustrated I am or how whiny she is or how ungrateful they are being.

Kids will become what we tell them they are.

From now on, I'm going to try my best to only tell them the good stuff.