I'm a cat person. Dogs are OK, but their lack of self-respect and over-eager, "I'll-do-anything-for-you-master" nature is annoying to me. I don't know why.

What I like about cats are the very things that people who don't like cats hate -- I like their snotty attitudes, the way they have to have things on their terms and I like how they demand to be treated like the furry kings and queens they are.

But, lately, my furry king and queen are driving me nuts. Here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. Chloe -- my big fat tuxedo cat -- lays at my feet all night. Correction: She lays ON my feet..which means rolling over involves moving a sleepy and highly annoyed 25-lb. (?) cat with my toes. Believe you me, I'm tempted to haul off and kick her out of my way sometimes, but..I know she'd hold a grudge for months and then she would do No. 2.

2. Despite having TWO very clean litter boxes...one for each cat...and having two cats who go indoors and out, I routinely find little "gifts" on the floor next to the litter boxes in the basement. It's bad enough they poop in the house...because they have plenty of opportunity to take care of business in the great outdoors, but...they do it right NEXT to the litter box. So...it's a blatant slap-in-the-face, undoubtedly payback for some minor infraction three years ago

3. I cannot use the can opener or slide open the lunch meat drawer without a kitty cat symphony. Meow..meow...meow...meow...circling all around my feet...trying to trip me in hopes they can get to whatever is in my hands before I can shoo them away. And, it's their loudest, most annoying "voice."

4. I've become a doorman. The cats want in, they want out. They want in, they want out. We went through this with our old dog -- we joked she was getting senile cause as soon as we let her out, she was barking to come back in. Now, the cats have taken her place. Sometimes just to pay them back for making me get up and let them in & out all day and night, I peer through the door window and wave at them while they silently (because they're behind the glass) meow. Then, I walk away and leave them out there for awhile. Hmmm...come to think of it...this might be why they're crapping on my floor.

5. They keep doing the boot-scoot on my carpet. They drag their little butts across the floor...I just think it must feel good and...hey..do what makes you happy, ya know? But, this particular habit makes my husband crazy (that's probably because he's the one that's always laying on the carpet). Yes...I know this is often a sign of worms, but...trust me, I've seen enough of their "stuff" close-up to know they don't have worms.

The king, the queen and their loyal subject, Lauren.