I've been doing this whole parenting thing for a while now and I'm pretty confident in the job I (we...the husband and I) are doing, and, yet, I still find that my momfidence is easily shaken when I perceive (and "perceive" is the key word) criticism of my parenting skills.
Case in point. I know this woman who is the exact opposite kind of parent I want to be. She rules by fear and frequently screams at her kids (and my kids, the neighbor's kids...and any other kid who is annoying her in any way). Her expectations for her kids are very high and she expects to be obeyed immediately (and will act accordingly if she's not).
I don't agree with her style. I think, eventually, those kids will rebel -- or end up with someone who abuses them -- and it's going to be ugly.
But, a family member who knows her recently remarked, "You know, she may be harsh, but those kids are the best kids I've ever been around. They listen. They eat. They do what they're told. They are good kids."
I stewed for hours.
I'm not sure what I was really upset about...that I perceived they were criticizing my parenting style (respectful, minimal yelling and expectations appropriate to their age) or that they said her way -- which I deemed all-wrong -- was not only not-bad, but, in fact, good.
Of course her kids are better behaved than mine right now. Mine are given boundaries and a little rope with which to hang themselves. Hers are never let off the leash.
So...when the day comes to set them free, which kids do you think are going to be able to make wise decisions, take a few risks and live a full life?
I think it will be mine.
But, then I could be all wrong.
In the end, I know that we parents are all just doing the best we can. I try to parent with the principles that guide my life. For me, that means parenting with respect and a little bit of breathing space so they can make their own mistakes (and learn from them).
I don't have respect for people who yell and scream to get their way. There are better ways to get what you want in this life -- things I hope to teach my daughters through my own actions, behaviors and parenting style.