This is a story I wrote and published in the Feb. 1 issue of Her Times magazine. I'm posting it here in case you missed it (or for anyone who doesn't get the print magazine) because I think it's great advice for all parents.
My daughter, 7, and I are reading the classic novel "The Secret Garden." Each night I read her a few pages. I'm not sure how much of the book she understands, but I know she's listening. Early in the book the main character describes the "blacks" who took care of her in India, including a few stereotypes.
I saw it coming and had a choice to make -- gloss over it, skip it altogether, or plow right through and try and explain it if my daughter questioned it. I chose the latter. She stopped me right there.
I did my best to explain racism (as was appropriate for her age and maturity level). Then we talked about our family belief that all people are valuable and deserving of respect.
To be honest, I didn't want to talk about it. Bigotry and racism aren't at the top of the list of things I want to teach my kids. But, acceptance and respect of differences are. That's why an early, open and honest dialogue with our kids is important.
Here are 10 ways you can raise children who embrace diversity.
1. When someone says something offensive in front of your children (or, really any time), speak up. Remaining silent isn't good enough. Call them on it. Tell the person, even if it's a loved relative, that you are offended and you would appreciate it if they wouldn't make comments (statements, jokes, etc.) like that in front of you or your children again. It's that simple.
2. Expose them to other cultures through the arts. Take any opportunity to teach your kids about other cultures through the hundreds of programs, lectures, exhibits and events held right here in Erie by various organizations (Erie Art Museum, Hispanic Council, etc.). Check the Erie Times-News Showcase section on Thursdays; you'll find dozens of multicultural opportunities every week.
3. Give them the background story. Having an appreciation for any culture starts with understanding their history. There are some great children's books available on famous historical figures of both genders and all races. Try the Scholastic "Easy Reader Biographies," $3 each. These stories teach not just history, but empathy.
4. Go beyond tolerance. Focus on fairness, understanding and respect for all people. Tolerance means simply learning to live with something or someone; it's not enough. We need to accept and cherish people for who and what they are. Embrace differences.
5. Talk about it. Acknowledge that children aren't color-blind, and are well aware of differences. The most important thing is the message they receive about those differences. Not talking about it sends the wrong message -- that diversity is a taboo topic.
6. Build self-esteem. Teach your children to be proud of themselves and the things that make them unique. Children who feel good about themselves are less likely to view others with distrust or jealousy.
7. Seek diversity. If your child's school is not culturally diverse, find sports leagues, after-school programs or weekend activities that attract a wide range of people.
8. Use TV as a tool. If Dora, Little Bill and Kai-Lan haven't taught you this already, children's programming has come a long way toward providing positive multicultural role models since "Sesame Street" blazed the trail in the 1970s. A few good ones: "Dora the Explorer," "Little Bill," and "Ni Hao, Kai-Lan," (all on Nick Jr.) and "Maya & Miguel," and "Sagwa" on PBS.
9. Learn another language together. Studies have shown -- and experience has supported -- that children who learn a language before the onset of adolescence are much more likely to have native-like pronunciation and speak it proficiently. Spanish, the second-most common language spoken in the U.S., is a good choice. Check out a beginner's guide in the form of a book, tape, cassette, DVD or CD. The Erie County Library offers all of these, plus they offer Mango Languages -- an online language learning software.. Jot down simple phrases like "hello" and "goodbye" and learn a new word or two every day.
10. Walk the walk. Don't let your child overhear you making unkind derogatory comments about anyone. Take the high road. Wave at the guy who cuts you off in traffic. Refrain from complaining about relatives or co-workers. Set a good example; your kids are learning how to handle life by watching you.