In September, when we called our son, who is a sophomore in college, to give him the bad news that his good friend from high school, Anne Ryan, had died of meningococcal meningitis at a Philadelphia hospital, near where she was attending school, he already knew the details. He and his grief stricken friends had been e-mailing back and forth for hours, consoling each other with memories and photos of Anne.

A day later, Ethan Magoc, an 18-year-old student who also knew Ryan from high school, created an amazing video tribute online in Anne's memory. It was posted on YouTube, and just looking at it made my heart ache for Anne's family and friends. The messages from her former high school classmates and friends obviously came straight from the heart, and I was struck by what an effective way this was to memorialize a person who meant so much.

At about the same time, another Erie, Pa. family mourned the loss of Nicholas Caccavo, who was killed in a automobile accident on I-80, on his way back to Penn State University, where he was enrolled. Like Ryan was at Mercyhurst Preparatory School, Nick had been an outstanding high school student in Erie who was a standout in sports and academics, and was one of the best-liked kids at the Northwest Pennsylvania Collegiate Academy.

Tributes from his friends poured in for Caccavo, and, like the ones for Anne Ryan, they showed how deeply his life had affected so many.

In today's Erie Times-News, reporter Sharla Bardin wrote a front-page story about "Online legacies," focusing on the lives of Ryan and Caccavo. Typically, when a person dies in Erie, friends and family attend funeral services and pay their respects in person. If they can't make it to the funeral home, they send a card.

My son, who has no car and was 300 miles away from home when he learned about his friend's death, said he would have felt awful about not being able to make it home. "But taking part in the online conversations and seeing all the messages from everyone else gave me a sense that I was almost there," he said. "Realistically, it's not the same as being there in person, but at least I felt a part of the grieving process."

Kent Norman, a psychology professor at the University of Maryland, who's writing a book about cyber-psychology, told Bardin for her story that he believes people will continue to use technology as a way to remember and mourn the lives of others. "It's here to stay because I don't think we're going to see computers or the Internet go away. More and more of what we do is going to be on the Internet," Norman said. That includes expressing sympathy and trying to comfort others when a loved one dies, Bardin wrote.

Like other older cities, however, not everyone in Erie -- especially those who have yet to embrace technology -- are sold on "Online legacies." Two elderly women phoned the Times-News this morning to complain that "going on the computer is no substitute for visiting the funeral home, going to the services, or sending a card -- a real card."

One woman said she never even knew until months after her husband had died that many people had gone online to express their sympathy. "I was angry with a lot of old friends who never took the time to even drop me a single line of condolence. But here they'd done it on their computer. After I saw what they wrote, I felt a little better. It's still not as good as the real thing, but it was better than nothing."

Younger people might feel differently, and today's story about "Online legacies" helps explain why.

-- Kevin Cuneo