Despite our best efforts, working mothers often don't feel like there's a perfect balance between work and family. Every time I see some article or receive some e-mail about this topic, I look at it. I never find a perfect solution.
Yesterday I received my BabyZone newsletter by e-mail. Among other things in there was a link to articles for working parents. If you want to read it, click here.
I don't think I would be a good stay-at-home mom. I'd get too lonely, which is odd being that I'd be around a small person all day long. But I'd start to think too much, which would then cause me to overreact about some normal part of my life. Besides, I like to have the extra adult interaction. I like to have something else to which I can contribute.
But then I wish there was more time I could spend with my daughter. Especially now that she's getting bigger and doing more things. As an infant, she was cute and cuddly. As a toddler, her personality is coming out more and more. She says more words, discovers consonants she previously skipped (our new one: boa-tah, previously just bo). She's fascinating to me at this stage of life. I watch her discover how to climb up on the dining room chairs. I watch her learn to spin the DVD holder. I watch her as she decides whether to say yes or no to a question I ask.
I know she's doing these things at "school" and I'm not seeing it. I have to wait to see it later at home. And I know she has a ton of fun at school and she loves spending the day with her little friends and her teachers.
I think my wish to spend more time with her is more for me than for her. Maybe it's because I realize this time is flying by me and I can't keep up. I'm going to blink my eyes and she'll be in kindergarten. I'll go to sleep tonight and tomorrow she'll be graduating from high school. And it will be gone, just like that.
No matter how much I read, I don't think I'll ever see how to find the perfect balance or how to get rid of that mother's guilt. It'll always be there, no matter what I do. If I didn't work, I'd wonder if I deprived her of social interaction or if I wasn't teaching her enough or getting her out of the house enough. Since I work, I wonder if I'm not giving Autumn enough time. Neither way will be perfect, I guess. But what's perfect anymore anyway?