I love my calendar. You've heard about it before and you'll hear about it again. And you'll hear about it today.
Yesterday's topic was this:
Author and poet Ellen Gilchrist says motherhood and writing have brought her great joy. "The years I spent raising my sons are as important to my happiness as the books I've written," she said. "If some of the time was frustrating, if occasionally I wondered if I was wasting my talents, then that was the price I had to pay for being happy now. It was worth it all.
I need to remind myself of this more often. Perhaps we all do.
I think about this sometimes when I go back to my college days. I persisted in a field of study, even though my heart wasn't 100 percent in it. I persisted after graduation for a few months before changing my mind and going back to something I enjoyed even more. My stubbornness caused me, in one year after graduation, to double my student loans I accrued during my first four years of college. But yet, for the past four years I've been happier than I would have been had I not changed career paths.
In many ways, not just with my job, changing my career path led me to where I am today. I don't know if Keith and I would have married when we did if I had been in another place. I don't know if we could have afforded to buy a house. And I don't know that Autumn would be here now. And those things I wouldn't trade for anything.
Not every day was full of sunshine. I recall weeks six to 14 of my pregnancy where I was sure every person who had ever been pregnant more than once was crazy. Every day I felt sick and couldn't fathom there would be a day this would end. I recall labor pains that were so strong I could not hold still. And I recall six weeks, following Autumn's birth, where I was so tired from feeding her every three hours that I'd "sleep" till noon and sometimes not get out of my pajamas until even later in the day. I recall worry, weight checks and consultations with a lactation consultant because I was not initially successful with breast-feeding. And there were the times she was sick to her stomach and I, the woman who can't stand to hear, see or know anything about vomit, not only cleaned up, but once even held out my hands below her mouth to catch the disgusting stuff. Gross.
All of these things were not fun. But they've helped lead me to the relationship I have with my daughter now and the relationship we'll have in years to come. I get hugs and kisses. I hear a cute little voice call out "Mommy" as her little face smiles. I hear her laugh as we play. I don't fully know what choices will lay ahead of us for our future, but I hope to remember that no matter what difficulties come our way, a few years later I'll be able to look back and realize that it was all worth it.