I just received my new Child magazine in the mail and found an interesting article, a survey called "What Parents & Grandparents Really Think About Each Other."
I don't think there's any secret that in every relationship among children, parents and grandparents, that there will be something where the parents and grandparents don't see eye-to-eye. In most relationships, the grandparents will want to see the grandchildren more. There's bound to be many relationships where the parents and grandparents disagree on discipline or the children's activities. And then there's food. For example, I know my Dad will slip Autumn a cookie here or there when he comes to visit. I know when Autumn was still eating baby food, we'd constantly have to remind Keith's Dad (and sometimes his Mom) not to talk to her or play with her while she ate, or she'd stop eating and look at them instead. In the grand scheme, I also realize these are minor issues.
In the article, grandparents say they wish they could offer more validation about their children's parenting styles, but they feel they should avoid saying anything altogether because they parents may get touchy if they feel they are constantly being judged or evaluated.
Grandparents shouldn't feel as though they can't give praise. As a different article in the magazine says, once even confident people become parents, they start to second-guess themselves. Some positive feedback is good.
It's the negative feedback that's bad. No matter whether you're the grandparent, the aunt or uncle, cousin or a friend, it's not your job to critique someone else's parenting style, unless the parents are putting the child in danger somehow. If the parent lets the kids eat chocolate chip cookies 5 minutes before dinner or lets them stay up later than you'd consider bedtime, that's their business. If you don't agree, just bite your tongue until you're alone with your spouse and then talk about how you'd have made a different choice. But don't offer the parent a critique and most certainly, don't second-guess them in front of their child(ren). All that will do is hurt your relationship with the parents and, consequently, with the child(ren). That's just not worth it.