My dog is a genius. Anyone who knows me knows that I believe this to be true - whole heartedly. So naturally, I could barely contain myself when I picked up the Saturday edition of the Erie Times News only to read this blaring headline: “How Smart is Your Pet?” The answer to that, I learned, I could find in the Sunday edition of Parade Magazine. An IQ test for my dog? Lord, I had never thought of that. Imagine the possibilities? I immediately alerted my children. Tomorrow, I told them, is going to be a big day.
The anticipation mounted. I felt like Ralphie waiting for my Orphan Annie secret decoder ring. Bright and early Sunday morning I poured through the newspaper and pulled out the Parade section. What’s this? Not only is the IQ test non-existent – but the article challenges my own intelligence by answering such burning questions as: “How smart is the average elephant?” or “Can your monkey do that?” Since I have neither an elephant nor a monkey – the challenge was on. I had to find my own Doggie IQ Test, and fast.
Turns out, there are others like me who want to know if their dog is a candidate for Harvard. Other attention-starved individuals with little better to do. Sorry, I do mean me – not you. Unflappable, head to my basement computer where my favorite Internet Search Engine quickly finds me the perfect IQ test. Six simple tasks. So easy, even a cat can do it.
Rocco has an education. And for this, I have paid dearly. Sweat equity. Countless hours of sit, down, stay, leave it, get it, heal, yes, no, good, bad, lets go, no stay, wait, um hang on, do, don’t do, good doggie, bad doggie….well, you get the idea. Eight months of PetSmart Puppy School and Rocco is not only a Beginner graduate, but an Intermediate one too. One more level to go and this dog – once abandoned, and later found in a cardboard box outside of the Humane Society – could one day be a Therapy Dog. I drool at the possibilities...
Testing commenced in less than 15 minutes. For the most part, it was a walk in the park. How long does it take your dog to find a snack underneath a towel? Puh-leeze. Ate the towel in 5 seconds flat. The snack? Annihilated. Next: Call your pooch, but instead of using his name, use a moniker, like “refrigerator.” Duh. This dog is no dummy, although, to be honest, he has answered to “dummy” in the past. As Rocco breezed through the test, I stressed my own level of genius to the kids. “This is why you should always listen to your mother. This dog is a freaking genius!” The gloating felt good.
We ease our way to Task Number Six: Place a dog treat underneath a tin can. In 5 seconds or less, if your dog is truly worthy of the Rin Tin Tin Hall of Fame, he’ll knock over the can, and devour the treat. Okay, maybe I dug too deep. I got cocky. Those five seconds turned into one minute, which turned into five minutes, then an hour, and ultimately failure. I regrouped, and pressed on. I’ll simply show him how it’s done, and try again. Okay, take two. This time he didn’t even try. He lay there, exchanging glances between the can, and me, then the can, and back to me. “Well, if you’re giving up, so am I.” Hours pass and we all break for lunch. The test is a distant memory until we hear the sound of a can tinking on ceramic tile. Redemption! Rocco the wonder dog!
Apparently, I was barking up the wrong tree. Turns out, George - our three year old orange tabby cat - is the true family genius. As he sat there in front of the tin can he tipped over with his tiny paw, it was very clear. Yes, indeed. A Doggie IQ test - so easy - even a cat can do it.
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