Never again. Never. Never. Never.

That was the text message I sent to a friend shortly after finishing today's Cleveland Marathon in a little over 4 hours. My finishing clock time was 4:07, chip time (actual marathon time) will probably be a couple minutes less.

In any event...a good 20 minutes more than what I need to qualify for Boston (a 3:45).

Needless to say, I had a tough time in the race (actually just the last 6 miles of it). I had it in my head that I wanted to qualify even though I was fairly certain that I could not. That became crystal clear just a few miles into the race when, following the 3:40 pace group, I knew I was running too hard to be able to sustain it for 26 miles.

I hit my splits at the 10K, the 1/2 marathon and the 20K. After that, it all went to hell.

I'm still not sure what happened. Maybe I'll have a better perspective on it tomorrow when I've had a chance to think, sleep and heal a bit.

The weather couldn't have been more perfect for a marathon -- cool (but not too cold) and overcast the entire time. I was mighty thankful for that. It had rained most of Saturday evening and sprinkled a few times at the beginning of the race, but it never did actually rain. That would've made things very miserable.

The bottom line is that I just don't think I have it in me to marathon. The truth is: I hated the first one (4:15:18 in Erie in '99) and I hated this one. There was no overwhelming emotion of joy at the finish, no incredible sense of accomplishment -- just relief that the damn thing was over.

I know ... I know ... I'm a downer right now. I'll be more positive tomorrow -- I will.

But, right now, I'm in the moment & this is how I feel. I have sore legs, bruised toes and I'm tired as hell. And, all I really want to do right now is cry.

Instead, I'm off to the grocery store -- because we need food and the working-mom marathon never ends.

Fortunately, that's one marathon I don't hate. And, one in which I can always go the distance.

Here I am before the race... full of smiles, energy and confidence.

Here I am approaching the finish line.

Here I am after the race, walking back to the hotel, sans shoes, energy, confidence and smile (1/2 mile didn't seem that far away when we made the reservations).