I write this on the eve of the first vice-presidential debate between established veteran Senator Joe Biden and rookie Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.
Once again for the record I’ll remind one and all that I take no public stance on either party ticket or ideal, but this seems like such an overwhelming mismatch on its surface that I feel I should step in to give the underdog the benefit of my vast experience gained while flipping between cable news channels.
So, a word Ms. Palin?
Ma’am, if you go toe-to-toe with Biden he’ll wipe the podium with you. He’s an accomplished, battle-hardened lawmaker with decades of practice in sharpening his knives.
In other words, he knew Jack Kennedy and you’re no Jack Kennedy.
So here are just a few quick tips to use in the trenches Thursday night, because the press loves nothing more than a level playing field.
Usually.
Ride the fence of femininity:
Obviously you must present yourself as someone capable of leading the free world.
But if things get really bad and you’re under a barrage of Biden barbs you could try something like “How can you talk to a soccer mom that way, you big bully?
Sure, it’s a risky gambit but you could generate sympathy for yourself and even make him feel bad at the same time.
Show your versatility:
Push points that show the various complexities of your personality. You run a household and know what it means to get food on the table and kids to school. That will promote your domestic agenda side.
Then push the fact that you have fired more bullets in your lifetime than your two opponents put together. That will highlight your tough foreign policy side.
Then slyly add that you could hire Tina Fey if elected and effectively be in two places at once. Then ask Joe B. if he could pull that one off.
Don’t play not to lose:
Yes, ma’am, I know that’s a double negative, but it just seems like you are overthinking every answer for fear that it won’t come out right. You know, like when Katie Couric asked you what magazines you read and you stammered something about “all of them.”
Just tell her the truth.
“I read Field and Stream. How about you?”
Alright, so maybe I wouldn’t make it very far as a political advisor.
But why don’t you just keep some of those ideas in the back of your mind.
It might get a little rough out there.